The best parents balance discipline with love: study

Children with married parents were twice as likely to display positive character traits as children living in step-families or with single parents.

A major study has concluded that children who receive ‘tough love’– a combination of warmth and discipline – from their parents have the best chance of doing well in life.

The study found that parenting style, not economic background, is the most important factor determining a child’s development of positive qualities such as self-control, empathy and determination.

For School Success, Don't Coddle Your Kids

Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes their best intentions are misguided. Attempts to provide children with a wonderful life can, in fact, increase the stress of the entire family.

One of parents’ most common mistakes is to want to make everything easy for their children. It’s painful for parents to see their children struggle. If children never do anything difficult, however, they never learn that they can successfully meet a challenge.

Here are some things parents can do to promote their children’s success in school:

• Make school attendance a family priority. Try to schedule doctors’ appointments and family vacations when school is not in session. Have your child arrive at school in time to organize for the day.

• Show your child that you consider school to be important. Attend parent meetings and conferences. Talk with your child about school. Don’t overemphasize grades.

• Read to and with your child. Let your child also see you reading alone.

• Either rule out or treat physical difficulties, such as vision problems, hearing problems, or attention deficit, that may impede learning.

• Don’t overschedule your child. Be sure at least three hours between school and bedtime are free of extracurricular activities.

• Encourage healthy sleep patterns. Because of the changes their bodies are undergoing, adolescents actually require more sleep than younger children, perhaps nine hours per night.

• Provide your child with nutritious foods (limited in sugar, fats, caffeine, and additives). Be sure your child starts the day with breakfast.

• Make dinner a family activity, complete with conversation on a wide range of topics.

• Provide a place, with minimal distractions, for your child to study. Be sure the study area is well lit, well ventilated, and equipped with all the supplies your child is likely to need: pencils and pens, dictionary, ruler, stapler, etc.

• Establish a definite time each day for homework, reading, or other academic activities.

• Don’t allow TV or video games in the morning before school. Limit total time for these activities to 10 hours per week.

• Don’t give your child everything he or she wants. Doing so will teach the child that desires can be satisfied without work.

• Be sure your child has household chores to complete without reminders.

• Help your child develop the habit of writing all assignments in an assignment notebook. It works best if assignments are written on the date they are due.

• Help your child learn to organize time and materials. Begin to wean your child from this help as soon as he or she is able to assume partial responsibility.

• On nights before a test, have your child review material just before bedtime and then go to sleep without reading or listening to music. This will aid retention of material studied.

• Make homework your child’s responsibility. This lets your child know that you recognize him or her as a capable person.

• Be sure your child gathers together each evening all the materials that he or she will take to school the next morning.

• Allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his or her actions. For example, don’t retrieve things the child forgot.

• Have realistic expectations for your child. If his or her abilities are slightly above average, do not expect the child to be at the top of the class.

• Recognize that your child’s teachers are striving for the academic, social, and emotional development of many children besides yours. Seating your child next to a best friend, for example, may not be in the best interest of the class -- or even of your own child.

• Recognize that there will be times when your child will be frustrated by a difficult task. Resist the temptation to solve the problem yourself. Your child will learn and grow from this experience and will emerge with confidence to face the next challenge.

A successful school year depends on the cooperative efforts of parents and teachers -- and, of course, on the students themselves. Each member of the team must fulfill his or her own responsibilities -- and allow the other members to fulfill theirs.

A parent and former teacher, Fran Hamilton is the author of Hands-On English, now in its second edition. Hands-On English gives quick access to English fundamentals and makes grammar visual by using icons to represent parts of speech. The book is for anyone 9 years or older, including adults. Fran also publishes companion products to Hands-On English and free e-mail newsletters: LinguaPhile, published monthly, is for people who teach and/or enjoy English; Acu-Write, published weekly, addresses common errors in English. Both are available at http://www.GrammarAndMore.com.

The Better Behavior Wheel - A New Kind of Calm in the Family

There's a new kind of fun and calm out there in the name of the Better Behavior Wheel, invented by Julie Butler and her family in central British Columbia. In an interesting twist on charts and discipline, this versatile wheel can be hung on a wall or toted with you in the car and on vacations.

It's a way to get whole family involvement, and a little bit of humor to get us over the discipline bumps. Kayla Fay, publisher of Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet? says, "This is the proverbial spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down! Only a loving parent could come up with such an effective way to discipline children."

As the Wheel Turns

Originally, the wheel sprang from constant battles between Julie's 9- and 12-year-old children, David and Laura. With battles raging in their home, Julie and her husband decided they must find some way to keep the peace. Julie says, "We hated the atmosphere of tension that would invariably follow these exchanges. Our once happy home was being turned into a war zone, and it felt like there were land mines scattered beneath our feet. One night, in desperation, we called the kids into the living room and told them how upsetting their behavior was. We asked them for suggestions on how we could restore peace and serenity back into the family."

The kids were sent to their room to come up with at least six appropriate consequences for their next fight. David and Laura presented the family with consequences like:

Clean the other person's room Do dishes for the other person Make the other person's bed for a week Lend your favorite CD or game to the other person for a week Make a list of ten good things about the other person Hug and make up….

These suggestions were arranged around the perimeter of a board, and a spinner attached to the middle. The premise was that the spinner would choose the consequence for them, and they would hang the board in plain view in the kitchen. Julie remembers, "We crossed our fingers, and waited. And waited. It was amazing. Just the presence of the board, hanging on our kitchen wall, had an instant calming effect on the atmosphere in our home. Occasionally we'd see one of the kids standing in front of the board, idly flicking the spinner, checking it out. But the fighting had stopped."

Of course, the battle was won, but not the war. Ten days later, the fighting began again, but this time they were prepared. Says Julie, "We called them both into the kitchen, took the board down off the wall, and placed it on the table. They knew what they had to do. How could they refuse? They chose the consequences. They practically invented the board. It landed on the most dreaded consequence of all: Hug and make up!"

Once the fighting subsided, Julie realized there were other behaviors she also wished to curb. "It seemed like the kids were always leaving the lights on when they left a room. Or they'd leave the TV on when they went to bed. Why not make another wheel with consequences related to wasting electricity?"

Eventually, eight themes were added: Excessive Arguing Leaving the Lights On Not Putting Things Away A Job Poorly Done Stretching the Truth Taking Without Asking Talking Back Wheel of Just Desserts (rewards)

Forty-eight consequences and 16 rewards are printed on peel-and-stick paper with colorful eye-catching graphics, enabling parents to customize the wheel to meet their family's needs. Just cut them out and stick them on. It's very easy to make up your own consequences and themes.

Interestingly, Julie says the wheel lowers her stress, keeps the consequences appropriate, and removes parents from the "Bad Guy" label. In the past, she and her husband would have to repeatedly ask David to do something, only to hear him say, "I know." This would come to a boil, and in anger they would yell and exact a punishment too harsh for the infraction.

Now, the wheel does all the work.

"David, it's 8:15; you haven't started the dishes yet. I'm afraid we'll have to spin the wheel."

"But, Mom!"

"I'm sorry, Dear. It's really not up to me. Those are the rules we all agreed on. Gee, I hope you don't land on a really bad consequence."

Julie says, "The amazing thing is, we're no longer the bad guys. We can actually root for the kids as they drag themselves up to the wheel. It's no longer 'us against them'. It's the wheel that they have to answer to. But the greatest thing of all is that we hardly ever have to use the wheel. It hangs on the kitchen wall, acting as a watchdog and reminder."

What Else?

The Butlers' website, www.better-behavior.com , shows some parents of ADHD children have found the wheel to be a wonderful program. That is great news for many! Every parent should work with their child's personality and decide if the wheel is right for them, keeping in mind that every program doesn't work with every child.

There are a couple of letters on Julie's site from parents asking for help with children who are completely out of control. One mother says her five-year-old "beats (his big sister), kills animals, curses, and destroys everything in his path." Another mother said her six-year-old adopted daughter has angry outbursts and goes in cycles. She wondered what to do when her child refuses the consequences and it starts another battle.

These are warning signs of something more serious than just a discipline problem. Often, young children and teenagers exhibiting these symptoms have a physical problem that can cause behavioral changes, such as infections, Lyme Disease and thyroid problems. Mental disorders such as early-onset bipolar disorder can also cause very similar symptoms and must be diagnosed and treated immediately.

In these cases, the Wheel would not be appropriate and medical intervention is needed immediately. For help, contact your pediatrician and look for information on these diseases and disorders on the Internet.

However, there is still a possibility that the wheel will be valuable with a child who is stabilized. Again, parents will have to make the decision to try the wheel according to each child.

The Last Word

Parents of children with normal behavior and discipline problems are encouraged to try this wheel and have a little fun with discipline! Bringing the whole family into the discipline decision-making is an excellent way to work as a team and come to a peaceful solution. The wheel isn't meant to exact negative punishment on a child, but rather remind them to pick their battles and mind their parents.

Teachers and parents alike will find the wheel very useful in classrooms and homes everywhere with children ages four and up!

How Two Quarelling Kids Helped Invent the Better Behavior Wheel

When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles started.

Prior to that, they got along great. Laura was always protective of her little brother, and he in turn, doted on her.

Perhaps it was about needing space, asserting independence…whatever the reason, it drove my husband and I crazy. It would start over the tiniest of excuses. One minute the house would be quiet, and the next they'd be shouting at one another.

"Mom, Laura won't give my CD back!"

"It's not yours. It's mine!"

"No it isn't. I got it for Christmas!"

"No you didn't. I did!"

And on and on it would go. Until, finally, one of us would have to intervene. And there would be a truce…sort of. At least until the next blowup.

We hated the atmosphere of tension that would invariably follow these exchanges. Our once happy home was being turned into a war zone, and it felt like there were land mines scattered beneath our feet.

One night, in desperation, we had a conference. We called the kids into the living room and told them how upsetting their behavior was. We asked them for suggestions on how we could restore peace and serenity back into the family.

Off to their rooms

Well, we didn't resolve anything on the spot. We sent them to their rooms with instructions to each come up with a half dozen appropriate consequences that we could impose the next time they had a fight.

The following day we were presented with a list of consequences from each. Some even looked pretty good. Examples: Clean the other person's room; Do dishes for the other person; Make the other person's bed for a week; Lend your favorite CD or game to the other person for a week; Make a list of 10 good things about the other person; Hug and make up….

We decided to arrange the consequences around the perimeter of a board, and then we attached a spinner in the middle. When you gave it a spin, the spinner would eventually stop and point to one of the consequences. Then we hung the board up in the kitchen, in plain sight. We crossed our fingers, and waited.

And waited.

It was amazing. Just the presence of the board, hanging on our kitchen wall, had an instant calming effect on the atmosphere in our home. Occasionally we'd see one of the kids standing in front of the board, idly flicking the spinner, checking it out. But the fighting had stopped.

Well not forever. It took about ten days before they forgot about the board and peace was shattered by another battle.

We were ready.

We called them both into the kitchen, took the board down off the wall, and placed it on the table. They knew what they had to do. How could they refuse? They chose the consequences. They practically invented the board. It landed on the most dreaded consequence of all: Hug and make up!

The tension was broken as they awkwardly gave each other a hug, mumbling apologies. We all had a good laugh, and life resumed.

Maybe we're on to something

Wow, we thought days later when there'd been no further skirmishes…if this thing works so well for arguing, what about some of the other issues that we seemed to be always struggling with. Wasting electricity, for example. It seemed like the kids were always leaving the lights on when they left a room. Or they'd leave the TV on when they went to bed. Or they'd take half hour showers. Why not make another wheel with consequences related to wasting electricity?

Well, eventually and inevitably, we ended up making consequences to cover seven different issues, or themes. Excessive Arguing was joined by A Job Poorly Done, Leaving the Lights On, Stretching the Truth, Taking Without Asking, Talking Back, and Not Putting Things Back.

And then, because we felt that extra good behavior should be recognized, we added another theme called Just Desserts, consisting of rewards.

We called it The Better Behavior Wheel.

It has worked beyond our wildest expectations.

In the past we'd often let behavior slide.

"David…it's 8:30. Get the dishes done."

"I know." From downstairs where he's watching TV.

"David. It's 9:00. Get these dishes done right now!"

"I know."

Until we'd get angry. And then the consequences would end up being out of proportion to the infraction. And blood pressure would rise, and anger would reign.

"DAVID…GET YOUR BUTT UP HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE AND GET THOSE DISHES DONE, AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT GOING CAMPING THIS WEEKEND!!!"

But with the wheel…

"David…it's 8:15…you haven't started the dishes yet. I'm afraid we'll have to spin the wheel."

"But, Mom…"

"I'm sorry, Dear. It's really not up to me. Those are the rules we all agreed on. Gee, I hope you don't land on a really bad consequence."

The amazing thing is…we're no longer the bad guys. We can actually root for the kids as they drag themselves up to the wheel. It's no longer an us against them issue. It's the wheel that they have to answer to.

But the greatest thing of all…we hardly ever have to use the wheel. It hangs on the kitchen wall, acting as a watchdog and reminder. It's mere presence has worked miracles.

We want one too

After sharing our experience with our friends, and demonstrating the wheel to them, we have received widespread encouragement to make them on a commercial basis. Ultimately we thought, why not? It's a great product. We know it works. If it can help others the way it has helped us, it almost seemed a shame not to make them.

We even made a Virtual Wheel - a download version that can be played on the computer. (This is my husband's favorite because he spent so many sleepless nights working on it.)

It's been four years since we had to send them to their rooms, but David and Laura get along great these days. They've both turned into wonderful teens, and we'd like to think that the Wheel shares a huge portion of the credit for that.

Want To Further Your Children's Studies?

Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure a good job is a degree. However, a degree subject may be perceived as too general and the acquisition of a specialist skill through professional courses or a post graduate program may help improve employment prospects.

Before you jump into a specific course or program, do take a look at the following considerations:

1. Studying overseas is better than studying locally? Well, we might not be sure about the education quality but in terms of exposure and character building, studying overseas definitely has its advantages while studying locally is more cost effective.
2. Be prepared and plan your application. When do you want to start your course? When can you start applying for the course? Apply early to avoid disappointments. There are many different institutions offering similar courses. To increase your chances of getting a place on the most appropriate course for you, do not rely on getting on to one particular course. Sometimes, it is not easy to get the desired course.
3. Where to get financial support? Family or scholarships? If scholarships, what are the requirements?

Hmmm...looking at the things to consider, we all need some luck for our educational and academic pursuits. Chinese Feng Shui principles denote that those looking to further their studies should place a globe in the Northeast sector of your home or even better, your children's study. The globe will enhance the energy for this sector and thus bringing luck to your educational and academic pursuits. Professors, teachers, writers and those involved in scholarly studies are also highly advised to display a globe on their study tables. Just twirl the globe towards you three times a day before 12am to enhance the luck of each day.

7 Ways to Survive the Start of the School Year

It happens every year. Just when you are settled in to the lazy days of summer, you are startled to find Back to School catalogs in your mailbox and bikinis going on sale in favor of turtlenecks. Your local store has devoted an entire aisle to pencils, notebooks, and lunch bags. Soon there will be no more long days at the beach, late nights watching movies with popcorn, or mornings free of alarm clock jitters. It’s enough to make you dread September, but it doesn’t need to be that way. With a slight change in attitude and a plan in place, September can be one of the best months of the year.

1. Practice
Don’t wait until Labor Day to get ready for the changeover to the school year. Begin pulling back bedtime during the last two weeks of August—around 8:30 to 9:00 PM for elementary school kids.

2. Lower Your Expectations
Major transitions equal disruption. Routines change and priorities shift. Allow yourself extra leeway when it comes to chores and tasks. Avoid scheduling appointments during the month surrounding the start of the school year.

3. Carve Out Extra Time
Clear the decks of added responsibilities so that you can get through the transition with less stress. Don’t sign up for your usual extra-curricular activities. Keep your family commitments to a minimum.

4. Motivate Your Kids
Preparing for school isn’t a job only for parents. The students themselves have things they must do to get ready. Make all the back to school activities, like shopping for school clothes, a fun family event. Devote the first week of school to getting settled and having fun as a family. Plan pizza nights and ice cream socials. Schedule extra game nights and buy a new puzzle.

5. Ask for Help
Reduce your stress during this transition. Enlist help to complete all the back to school tasks. Hire a babysitter to watch your younger children while you take your older children to buy school clothes. Ask grandparents to supervise school supplies purchases.

6. Set the Tone
Set a positive tone for the new school year. If you approach September with the kind of dread usually associated with prison terms, you can be sure your kids aren’t going to be too happy about going to school. On the other hand, if you show interest and excitement in what lies ahead, then your child will be eager to get started.

7. Focus
The beginning of a new school year is an important time for a child. The whole family should be interested and involved in the process. Express interest about the upcoming year, classes, and school friends. Share your school memories. Celebrate this new beginning!

The beginning of a new school year can be an exciting time for a family. It’s a fresh start with new teachers and classmates, and perhaps even a new school. Planning for the best possible beginning to the year shows your child how much you care. The more effort you put into it, the more you and your child will reap the rewards.

End Homework Battles

Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and you’ll likely hear that it is the difficulty they face in getting their kids to do homework. With so many other attractive ways for kids to spend their time, getting them to buckle down and complete that extra bit of schoolwork can be like pulling teeth. As with any chore, though, there are strategies you can use to get it done and make it more fun.

1. Make Time for Homework
Fitness gurus have known this for years: you are more likely to stick to an exercise regimen if you do it at the same time everyday and make it an inviolable part of your schedule. The same goes for homework. Don’t leave it up in the air as to when homework will be completed. This only ensures that it won’t get completed until you have an extended argument with your child about it—usually one hour after bedtime. Instead, sit down with your child and review your family schedule for the upcoming semester. Decide where homework will fit in your daily schedule and make it non-negotiable. It is always helpful to anchor homework time to some other regular activity. Good choices are: directly after school or right before or after dinner. (Scheduling homework in the hour before bedtime is usually not a good practice since your child may be too sleepy to do a good job.)

It is also important to dedicate a set amount of time for homework. This will discourage students from rushing through homework so that they can watch the latest Disney video. What is a reasonable amount of time to spend on homework? That varies with age. Check with your child’s teacher. It is generally accepted, though, that First and Second graders should spend about a half hour on homework each night while Third and Fourth graders might need to spend as much as an hour per night.

2. Don’t Accept No for an Answer
A common refrain from students is “I finished my homework in school” or “The teacher didn’t assign us any homework today.” It should not matter that they don’t have a specific assignment. Homework is an extension of the learning that occurred that day in school, and what they learned that day can be extended in any number of ways. Students can read silently during their allotted homework time, they can look up information in an encyclopedia to enhance what they are learning in Science or Social Studies, or they can look at flashcards, practice math facts, and test their spelling. This is how to teach your child to be a self-directed learner. You will be giving them a gift to get them in the habit of doing this now. When they are in high school, having this extra study habit will bring them academic success.

3. Establish a Partnership with Teachers
Early in the school year make an effort to get to know your child’s teacher. Make an appointment to talk with the teacher in the first few weeks of school, so that you can express your desire to be a good partner in your child’s education. She will appreciate it, and you will be one step closer to a smooth school year. Find out what her homework policy is so that you know what to expect. It is also helpful to know how high her standards are, so that you can ensure that your child’s homework is acceptable.

4. Provide the Right Environment
Most people’s advice on homework is to set up a desk in your child’s room and make sure that they have a quiet and distraction-free work environment. This sounds very reasonable, but few people seem to be able to follow this advice. I know many students who instead do their homework on the living room floor, at the kitchen counter, or at the dining room table. It seems that some people work best when they aren’t isolated from household activity. If that is the case with your child, then provide a small traveling office for him so that he has all of the necessary items at hand and won’t waste time running around the house looking for a sharp pencil. With all the supplies nearby, and distractions limited to the general background noise of family living, your student ought to be able to concentrate on homework.

5. Set a Good Example
“Do as I say not as I do” is no longer considered appropriate parental advice. In order to instill the proper values in our children, we must model them. If we expect our children to be conscientious, hard-working students, then that is what they must see in us. Make an effort to show your child your work ethic by reading trade magazines and business books while they do their homework. Take out a pencil and write notes as you read. Investigate ideas fully. If you read something interesting in the newspaper, look up information about it on the Internet. Always be eager to learn something new. Sign up for an adult education class, teach yourself to knit, or write that novel you’ve always dreamed of. The more that you can show your child that learning is a lifelong adventure that requires their involvement, the more likely it is that homework will cease being a chore and start being an integral part of a life well-lived.

If you take the time to set up these parameters around homework, you’ll find that you waste less energy arguing over homework and making up for lost assignments. You’ll have more time and energy for other pursuits, and so will your child. What’s more, you’ll discover that the benefits of hassle free homework add up to more than just scheduling efficiency, they equal a better education.

Teaching Children Good Manners

Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that my children knew how to behave in nice restaurants because they had been exposed to the atmosphere at an early age. My idea of well behaved might be different from yours, however, I think there are certain basics that are important and universal.

When my daughters were babies, we would take them wherever we went. If they began to fuss or cry, one of us would promptly remove them from the room/restaurant/market/wherever. Not because we felt their crying or fussing was a bad thing. No, it's a perfectly normal occurrence for infants and toddlers. We removed them as a courtesy to others who we felt did not need to be as tolerant as we were with our children's noise. In consequence, my daughters know that other people are not as wildly in love with their racket or with them as we are. Nor should they be expected to be.

As our children grew older, they were always told the rules of our outings, how to behave and to always speak softly if other adults were present. Sometimes, it's fine to let them get a little crazy ... just know your audience! If we are at a five star restaurant where many other diners have come to enjoy a gracious and expensive meal, would we expect everyone there to be enthralled with junior's vocal or behavioral outbursts? Would we really expect them to care if our child is having a bout with walking pneumonia and coughing uncontrollably? Nope. It's rude. And rudeness is basically nothing more than bad manners. If there is an emergency with your child, by all means don't give a flying flamingo about what others think. But this is the exception. Besides, children who are that sick belong at home, not in public.

Last night, my girls and I were in a department store. There was a toddler carrying on and screaming for more than 15 minutes when my younger daughter said:

"Now his mommy is going to tell him to stop because there are other people in here that don't want to hear it!"

Unfortunately, his mommy did not tell him any such thing. She let him wail and scream and cry, much to the chagrin and annoyance of everyone else in the store. You know what? As much as I love kids and cannot bear to see or hear them suffering, I disliked this kid immensely!

My reasoning is this: if our kids learn that they are free to trample on the peace, space or rose gardens of others, they will develop into spoiled and inconsiderate brats. And then who will like them? Who will want to spend time with them? Who, besides their forgiving parents, will be able to tolerate their lack of social graces and good manners? No one … except maybe another ill-mannered person who feels at home with a similarly clueless individual. Do we really want our children reduced to such horrible options? I think not.

We teach our children not to steal, lie or punch their brother in the nose. Shouldn't we teach them respect for others at the same time? That their whining and out-of-control behavior is something no one really wants to hear or witness, especially strangers who have no vested interest in their developing minds or self-esteem? A simple reminder of the rules, consistently, works wonders ... eventually. ;-)

Good luck. Kids need to learn manners and social graces. They will go farther in life if we teach them well.

10 Steps to School Year Success

One of the most important aspects of parenting, is ensuring that your child gets a good education. School is a place where your child not only learns skills such as reading and writing; it is also where your child will learn about friendship, responsibility, and fairness. In short, school is a test run for the ‘real world’, and your child needs your help to navigate this complicated arena. When your child was a baby, you set your life around nap times and diaper changes,

1. Establish Consistent Routines
Take the ‘year at a glance’ approach. If you have a child starting first grade and one in fourth, one a musician and the other an athlete, then you must sketch out how you will achieve a balance between school, their activities, your work, and your activities. It is best to look at all of these areas at once, so that you can spot the trouble areas. Once you have the big picture, it is time to ask how you can set up a regular routine to ensure that everyone’s needs are met, including yours.

Early in the school year, decide which activities will fit, and which will have to be postponed. One of the biggest areas of concern for modern families is activity overload. Avoid it! Now that you know what activities you will be engaged in, decide where homework fits and set a regular time for it. Whether there are assignments or not, this should be the time of day that your child always does a little extra school work. When will you have dinner? If possible, make it at the same time everyday and expect all family members to attend. Don’t eat on the run! If you have to eat in the car in order to make everything fit, then you are doing too much!

2. Set Reasonable Bedtimes
Open any magazine in America and you will find a story on the cumulative sleep debt that Americans are suffering from. It causes accidents, ill health, and poor work performance. It has the same effect on young students. Without enough sleep, their learning suffers as does their behavior. Additionally, lack of sleep makes kids prone to getting sick, which means they miss school and get behind in their learning.

Avoid these problems by setting a reasonable bedtime for your children and sticking to it. According to Dr. Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., a member of the National Sleep Foundation, elementary age children need between 10-12 hours of sleep each night. She also recommends allowing an additional 10-20 minutes to that amount in order to account for the time is takes your child to fall asleep. Keeping these times in mind, your child’s bedtime should be no later than 8:30pm.

3. Learn to Say No
There are many demands placed on our time. There are after school opportunities galore: sports, music, drama, art, and more. Parents have an equal number of options for after work activities. Parents want to provide the best for their children and many believe that giving them access to numerous opportunities is the best way to enhance their learning. In fact, the best way to enhance a child’s learning is to allow them to slow down and think about what happened in class and to talk to them about it. This type of reflection can only come when parents and children have some downtime together. I advocate the motto: “Just Do Nothing”.

4. Limit TV
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I love TV. I loved cartoons as a kid, and I love sitcoms and drama shows now. But I’m careful not to watch TV to the exclusion of all other forms of entertainment. Kids are not as good at moderating their exposure to TV. They need the help of their parents to make good choices and to limit the time spent being a passive observer. Kids learn best when they are actively involved in what they’re doing. Reading, talking, exploring, drawing, building, playing—these are all important parts of childhood. Make sure that they don’t get squeezed out by too much Scooby Doo.

5. Encourage Reading
Research has shown that one of the greatest predictors of academic success is the amount of time a student reads. When asked by the parents of my students what they should do to help their child learn, I always answer, “Get them to read.” Books not only open new worlds and ideas for children, they build their vocabulary, improve their memory, grow their imagination, and teach them valuable thinking skills. Time spent reading is an investment in your child’s future.

6. Support Your Child’s Teacher
It is an unfortunate fact of modern day society that teachers feel less support from parents, administrations, and governments than ever before. This is a shame, not only for the hard working teachers who deserve to feel respected as professionals, but for the students they teach. Students receive the best education when they are part of a committed triumvirate. For a child to truly learn in school, all three members of the team need to work together. The teacher, student, and parents need to be all working towards the same goal with commitment and help from one another. All parts of the triangle must be connected for the goal to be met. Go against the tide, give your child’s teacher the respect she deserves and the support she requires. Your child will thank you.

7. Enlist Support
It truly does take a village to raise a child. Too often these days, however, parents find themselves struggling to do it all with very little support. If you live near grandparents, aunts, or uncles, ask if they can occasionally go to the soccer game, or pick up the art materials, or buy the new notebook. Very often it is the little tasks that combine to make parents feel overwhelmed. Spreading the small tasks around to willing volunteers may give you more time to focus on the important aspects of the school year. If family members aren’t available to help, exchange help with neighbors and friends.

8. Practice what you Preach
In order to make the school year go more smoothly, it is important that your child is responsible, timely, and well-behaved. You are far more likely to have a child who behaves this way, if you model appropriate behavior for them. If you are frequently late, often forget important items, and are stressed and irritable most of the time, you are far more likely to have chronic problems with your children—especially during the school year when time is tight. Give your child the skills to succeed by working on them yourself. Nobody’s perfect, but if you show that you ask of yourself the same things you ask of them, then you are more likely to garner their cooperation.

9. Plan Ahead
If you fail to plan, then plan to fail. Harsh though that statement may be, it often happens that you’d experience more success at school if you’d take the time to plan ahead. If you know that your daughter is going to appear in a play during the month of November, and that it will require lots of rehearsals after school, don’t enroll her in tap class and swimming. When you know that time will be tight, it also makes sense to speak to your child’s teacher in order to advise him of the situation and to get his help with scheduling homework. Always keep in mind what is coming up next week and what may be required due to the seasons. Getting to school in September may not be much of an issue, but what will you do when the snow flies?

10. Keep your Eye on the Prize
Being committed to managing the school year well takes effort. Keeping your family balanced despite all of the demands on everyone’s time can be difficult. All of it can be managed better if you always stay focused on your purpose. Your purpose as a parent is to raise well-adjusted children who can enter society and forge a good life on their own. They need a good education in order to do this. How to ensure that your child receives the best education possible ought to be the first thing you think about in the morning and the thoughts you keep as you close your eyes at night.

Divorce and Child Custody: What is a Parenting Plan?

When parents divorce or separate and a child is involved decisions about where the child will live, how the child will be raised, and the routine decision making about the child’s upbringing is often a difficult and emotional issue for parents to sort out in the mist of their divorce. With so many decisions that need to be made in the context of a divorce and child custody situation it is not uncommon for the parents to become frustrated, stressed, and overwhelmed especially if they do not know where to begin. So where does a parent involved in a divorce and child custody begin? You can begin by working on a parenting plan separately or together that takes into consideration your child’s needs and also reflects what you believe to be in the overall best interest of your child.

A parenting plan is a document that outlines the parenting schedule or timeshare and can include each parent’s responsibilities to raise their child. A parenting plan can be lengthy and detailed or it can be brief and simple. A parenting plan should include the standard parenting schedule, which can include where the child will live during the week and weekends and who will be responsible for taking and picking the child up from school and other activities on certain days. Additionally, the parenting plan can address the holidays, summer vacations, and how other special days during the year will be divided between the parents. Regardless of what is included in your parenting plan it should be predictable, clear, and easy to understand. Further, the parenting plan should take into consideration the needs of the child and reflect his/her overall best interest.

Because the family dynamics vary from family to family there is no one-size-fits-all parenting plan that works well for all families. Some parents may have a shared parenting plan, which allows the child frequent and continuous contact and/or to live with each parent 50% of the time. Other parenting plans may limit one parent’s contact to every other weekend plus a mid-week visit or mid-week overnight. Other parenting plans may be further restrictive allowing for dinner visits but no overnights.

Although it is wise to create a parenting plan that you believe reflects the best interest of your child, it is also wise to consider consulting an attorney to learn where you stand legally on your particular matter before entering into any proposed parenting plan agreement. This is especially important in cases where you believe the other party has ulterior motives or is not working in good-faith to build a parenting plan that truly reflects the overall best interest of your child.

© 2007 Child Custody Coach

Child Custody Coach supplies information, online materials, and coaching services to parents in the field of child custody, namely, divorce, child custody and visitation, child custody evaluations, 730 evaluations, parenting, and all issues related to child custody and divorce. "How to Win Child Custody - Proven Strategies that can Win You Custody and Save You Thousands in Attorney Cost!" is a unique child custody strategy guide written by The Custody Coach and made available by Child Custody Coach in an easy to read, understand, and apply E-Book format. Custody Match is an online consumer and family law attorney matching service to help you in your search for the right attorney for your divorce or child custody case. Custody Match can help you find the right family law attorney, divorce lawyer, or child custody attorney in your area.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steven_Carlson

Coping With Divorce - How To Use A Basic Parenting Plan To Help Your Children Survive and Thrive

Going through their parents' divorce is a hard experience for most children. Some of my child clients have told me that it was like getting a divorce themselves.

One way you can reduce the wear and tear on your kids and make the aftermath of the divorce go more smoothly is to create a basic parenting plan.

Both spouses should develop the plan together and agree to implement it, for the sake of the children. Your children will fare much better if you prepare a plan that both spouses will use in a consistent way. That way the kids have the same rules and expectations when they are with either parent.

Your Basic Plan

A good plan should include the following:

1. A statement of agreement about the purpose of the plan, date and signatures of both parents

2. A basic philosophy as to how the children will be parented

3. Standards of conduct for the parents and expectations for parental behavior

4. A schedule of the time the children will spend with each parent and transportation provisions

5. How disputes will be handled and resolved

6. Emergency plan in case of an accident, disease, or death of a parent

7. What happens if someone breaks the agreement

8. Financial agreements: who pays what and when

9. Provisions for updating or reviewing the parent plan

10. Religious training

11. How will medical and dental needs be met and who is responsible

12. Child care standards and arrangements

You can think of other items that can go into the plan. The above will give you an idea of what you can include.

Benefits

Drawing up a parent plan is a positive step for divorcing parents to take - one that will make it easier for the children to cope with the divorce and prevent unnecessary conflicts between the parents.

The plan will set an expectation for co-parenting so that the burden falls equally on both parents . . . and the kids never feel like they have lost one parent.

A parenting plan is a great way to not only help the children, but streamline the task of parenting in the aftermath of a divorce. In essence, a parenting plan sets healthy expectations for parental behavior, and helps to prevent arguments, fights and feuds, which can only negatively impact the children.

It will help the parents to stay calm, remain unemotional and behave in a mature fashion. And it will reassure the children that there will always be cooperation, rather than conflict and competition, among their parents.

A basic parenting document will serve as a symbol of the parents' good will and positive intentions. It will help to maintain the integrity of the original family, and allow the kids access to both parents.

In sum, how can you lose if you and your X agree to create your own parenting plan - one that will keep your children out of the middle and allow them to keep healthy relationships with both parents?

Richard Hamon is a professional therapist and coach with over 25 years of experience. His business, Relationships For Success Coaching, helps people to improve their relationships and enjoy success in all areas of their lives.

Richard has written a unique eBook, The Ultimate Relationship Solution: How Secrets Discovered From A Near Death Experience Can Help You Ignite Passion and Realize Success in All Your Relationships. The eBook tells about an actual Near Death Experience the author had in 2003, which transformed his life and led to a series of insights, revelations and secrets about relationships.

You can find Richard's eBook, The Ultimate Relationship Solution at: LINKED TEXT

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Richard_Hamon

Parenting Workshops Help Parents Help Themselves

Parenting is one of the toughest jobs and many parents need help in managing their family life. Parenting workshops offer parents the opportunity to learn new strategies and concepts about parenting that they can use in their everyday family life.

Parenting workshops, like any other workshop, include different sessions on different topics such building strong relationships between children and parent, between siblings or between children; early childhood parenting such as dealing with children’s fears, helping parents adjust with separation, or starting school.

Many parenting workshops also help parents deal with children who have learning and/or emotional difficulties. These workshops are especially helpful because parenting children with special needs can be twice as hard so many need all the help they can get to manage their family life well.

Parents of adolescents and teenagers also experience a greater deal of frustration and stress because, as we know, children at this age bracket tend to distance themselves from parents, question authority, and are naturally curious and impulsive. Parenting workshops that help parenting teenagers educate parents to help them understand what their teens are going through and how to best approach or communicate with them.

Families who are going through a conflict such as separation or divorce can also get counseling through parenting workshops as well as education about children’s right and family law. Moreover, parenting workshops not only increase parents’ knowledge and skills on raising their children but at the same time develop confidence in them as parents and reduce everyday stress.

Aside from discussions and presentations on important parenting issues, parenting workshops feature videos and other media resources on a variety of parenting topics. Many parenting workshops are free but there are also groups that organize workshops for a fee and by request, customized to the needs of a specific group, for instance, single parents.

Generally, parenting workshops are conducted once a week for four to six weeks, depending on the organizer. If there is no one else to look after the child while the parent or parents attend the workshop, they can look for those that offer child-minding services.

Before attending parenting workshops, you can check the specific content of each session to make sure they will be useful to you and also check the qualifications of the people providing the workshop. The organization should be composed of qualified professionals who are well-trained in family and/or child development and, ideally, parents themselves.

Milos Pesic is a single father and expert in the field of Parenting who runs a highly popular and comprehensive Parenting web site. For more articles and resources on parenting, teen parenting, step parenting, parenting classes and much more visit his site at:

=>http://parenting.need-to-know.net/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Milos_Pesic

Co-Parenting After Divorce - Learning How to Parent With Your Ex-Spouse After Your Divorce

As a divorced parent, it's essential to grasp the fine points of co-parenting. Some of you may thinking, "What the heck is co-parenting?" It's a term created to describe divorced parents continuing to parent their children together.

This is a lot easier said then done. Divorced parents are rarely the best of friends. Downright dislike isn't too off the mark for a lot of couples. Part of the conflict you experienced in your marriage could have included differing parenting styles. Well, just because you're divorced doesn't mean you don't have that conflict anymore! If anything, it can intensify because there's a lot more you're angry about now.

While both of you have separate homes, remember your children have to travel between these. They have to understand what is expected from them in both situations. Irregardless of the negative feelings you may have toward your ex, it's important that the two of you find SOME way to work together when it comes to raising your beautiful children.

The following are things to consider in creating an effective co-parenting plan:

1) Accountability in each home is essential

2) It's not important that your rules be identical in each household, but common themes make it easier on your children.

3) Agree not to bad mouth the other parent's parenting choices in front of the children

The goal is for the two of you to work together. This can be challenging when you're both hurt and angry at one another. Be sure to never use your children and parenting them as a way to "get even" with your ex. It's only your children who get hurt.

For more great information on life after divorce, I'd like to invite you to visit us at http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com

If you like this article, why not get more? Sign up today for our free Tip of the Week at http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/tip.htm - You will receive several great articles and resources in each issue.

If you are having a difficult time managing your anger at your ex and it's interfering with your ability to co-parent, learn how to move forward with our special report, "I'm Just So Mad! Dealing with the Anger of Divorce." Get all the details about this resource at http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/somad.htm

From Alyssa Johnson at RemarriageSuccess.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alyssa_Johnson

The Advantages of Attending Parenting Classes

Parenting can be the toughest job in the world, indeed it is. Even the smartest ones give up on finding the perfect equation for the perfect relationship with your kids. You know why? Because there is no such thing as perfect, there are only ideals and appropriates.

If you are a newbie in the world of parenting, it will be as twice as hard for you. Let’s be honest, all of us wants to be the best parents for our child and who wouldn’t. However, most of us are still uncertain if our so-called way of parenting is correct. If you want to learn a lot of helpful strategies to cope up with the staple challenges of parenting, then help is on the way.

Parenting classes are all the rage of today. Some even take classes even if the baby is still on its way. Parenting classes are facilitated by expert instructors that give out lessons to aid moms on the need. They give out helpful information on different aspects of parenting. If necessary, they will even require some parents to undergo structured parenting program that will teach them a step by step approach on parenting.

The only misconception about parenting classes is that some parents think that it can change their ways of raising a child. What you need to remember is that, these lessons only serve as your guide and the implementation of such all depends upon you. But when the time comes that a real change is required in your usual parenting technique, your instincts will tell you so and you will know it.

If you think that only problematic parents take parenting lessons, you are absolutely wrong. What you don’t know is that even healthy families tend to scout for help if they need it. If you’re one amongst the big majority who want to attend but just don’t have the time to attend parenting classes, you are just in luck because parenting classes are well established on the web. You can just easily take online courses in the comforts of your own home. How’s that for a class?

Parenting is truly the hardest job one could ever have and to note all of these are a lifetime commitment. Parenting classes are mere supplementation for those who wants to seek help from experts. There is no right or wrong way in parenting, however there will always be what we call as the acceptable way.

Milos Pesic is a single father and expert in the field of Parenting who runs a highly popular and comprehensive Parenting web site. For more articles and resources on parenting, teen parenting, step parenting, parenting classes and much more

visit his site at:=>http://parenting.need-to-know.net/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Milos_Pesic