Are you sharing nicely when it comes to the children?
Every parent has told their children many times that they have to be nice and share. To sweeten the job of sharing, parents may get each child involved, so that, for example, one child divides the pile of candy and the other child chooses first.
When parents are sharing children, it's just as important that the same niceties are observed, and that each parent is involved in creating a balanced parenting schedule. If the schedule favors one parent with significantly more time than the other, that second parent is much less likely to comply with the plan.
Mediation serves as a reality check for parents when they are working out the details of a parenting plan and parenting schedule. For example, from an objective perspective, a mediator may ask one parent if s/he would be willing to accept the schedule if the roles were reversed. If the answer is a resounding NO, the mediator can lead the parents into a discussion of how the schedule could be more balanced in the quantity and quality of the parenting time for both parents.
Shared balance in a parenting schedule does not necessarily mean equal time for each parent; it DOES mean adopting a schedule that allows the children to have the best of both parents. For example, if one parent is available while the other parent is working, an optimal shared schedule would place the children with that parent instead of in daycare.
Each parenting schedule can be as unique as the people using it, and the best ones are balanced, thoughtful and creative. The beauty of the mediation process is that it helps parents explore new possibilities and create a schedule that really works for the whole family.
© 2008, Mary Wollard, Family Solutions Center, LLC
Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your family's transition.
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