It's time for parents to take back control

When I talk to parents about parenting, I get the sense we are in the midst of a struggle. Is parenting harder today? Why is it harder? How can we make it simpler?There is a difference in family life today versus 50 years ago. Fifty years ago, families were influenced more by church, neighbors, community and the time they spent together.

Today, there is more influence on families coming from outside their homes and neighborhoods by TV, the computer and other media outlets. Information keeps bombarding families at lightning speed. For two working parents, time together has become restricted. And children are participating in more activities outside their immediate neighborhoods than they did 50 years ago.Meanwhile, our homes have become self-sufficient entities.

We can be connected to the world, friends and relatives from a chair in front of our computers. With the emphasis on TV, computers and the Internet, the time and the necessity to be involved with other families has decreased.At the same time, marketing to children is in full swing, empowering them to influence family decisions. Parents' authority has diminished, and kids know it. Kids are in control. Even the messages obtained from computer games and TV give children the feeling of having it all and deserving it.

How can parents win any struggle in this era of the empowered child?Parents do have power and need to exert the right to be in control of their house and their kids. Here's how:

* First, recognize that what your child gets from you is a privilege. You can control the number of privileges your child earns, and yes, they should earn them. Too many kids get things without earning them just by saying, "Everyone else has it!"

* Maintain a set of rules for your household. Children need clear sets of rules, and parents need to exert control by being the people who set the rules.

* Demand respect from your children. Disrespect means loss of privileges.

* Stop yelling. Yelling shows weakness and loss of control. You may then feel guilty and make decisions for your children from this place of weakness. By staying in control, you command more respect and exert more control over your children.

* Decrease TV exposure and computer time. These empower kids and give them the sense that the world is at their pleasure. The fewer advertisements kids see, the less they feel they just "can't live without" the latest and greatest thing.

* Make sure you have family time every week. Do an outing together. Eat meals together. Family time won't always be perfect. But the time together provides a sense of belonging, and a sense of togetherness that kids really need.

* Get together with other families without the electronics. Share meals, talk and play games. Community teaches children about friendship. It teaches them about other families. These lessons don't come on their iPods or Facebook.

* Hold your children responsible for their schoolwork and chores. They need to work to improve themselves as well as for the greater good of the family. If you give them responsibility for their school and home duties, you have a greater sense of control.

Parenting styles have changed. We can no longer just be the authoritarians in our homes. But, we can still maintain a sense of control. We can develop our own parenting style.Read some parenting books. Get some parenting DVDs.

Think about your parenting. Kids may feel empowered, but they still need strong and secure parents. With some effort, you can learn to be secure in your parenting role and feel that parenting is less of a struggle.